I had to fill out a form once, while I was on a five year break from work while my children were young. Officially, I was a ‘housewife’, but that just didn’t seem to cover the job description of what mothers do, or are expected to do. So as I pondered my role in the family, I sat down and wrote this ditty to motherhood and who exactly I am….. Hope you can relate or at least enjoy….
What am I?
I’ve been driven to write this,
To explain what I am
When asked what I do
The term ‘housewife’ is so bland…
So read on now and look anew
At my everyday job redefined for you
First and foremost, I suppose I’m a wife
Although some men would call this their ‘trouble and strife’
I prefer the endearments, Lover and Friend
And you’ll see what I mean towards the end….
Housing Technician, I like the sound of that
However when I say it aloud, I sound like a prat.
It doesn’t however explain what I do,
So lets think on the title afresh and anew..
We’ll start at the top and work to the end
Where again, I’ll be a lover and friend
But the more mundane titles are in between
Read on now and see what I mean……
I could start off and say that I’m a great chef
Although by the end of the day, I feel more like a ref
A ‘negotiator of treaties’, now that’s more grand
Or perhaps a draughtsman, who draws up the family plans
A nurse when I’m needed and a doctor too
Cleaning and Wiping up cuts, puke and even wee and poo.
And I have to add cleaner to the list,
And that’s already enough to drive me round the twist.
Because everday I have to start again
I swear I’m going round the bend
Speaking of bends, I’m a plumber too
Armed with a plunger when you block up the loo
Small time electrician, part qualified
I can live with that
I change light bulbs, plugs, fuses,
Tune in TVs, videos and DVD machines
Actually come to think of it, I’m quite handy I mean.
When the children were babies, they were fed from the breast
So a built in bottle and milk plant was attached to my chest
Of course this meant I was on duty day and night
So sometimes I thought breastfeeding was such shite…
Montessory teacher next comes to mind,
A seeker of things you all need to find
A labourer, gardener and a painter at times
Are just a few of the titles that come to mind
An agony aunt, advice giver and psychologist
Those really also have to go on the list.
A massager of broken hearts, crushed egos, and feet!!
Creator of character and backbone, now that’s neat
Financier, bank manager and lending agent all rolled into one
When dealing with money I get the job done.
Payer of bills, a buyer of clothes, books and shoes,
Shopping assistant? Naw, that just won’t do
There are people who shop for the rich for a living,
So a personal shopper I am too, Don’t I just go on giving and giving….
A stauncer support you won’t ever find
Because my family are in my heart, soul and mind.
But judge, jury and prison warden I am sometimes I find
Because I often have to be cruel to be kind.
‘Broken record’ too, of that I’ve no doubt
And sometimes I just have to let out a good shout.
So raving lunatic might have to go down there too
Cause up till now I sound like ‘Miss Goody Two Shoes.’
But I am regularly naughty, if you catch my drift
Although the label for this you won’t find on my list….
So you see this leads us down to the end
And we’re back to the start at lover and friend…
And what went in between the start and this
is some of what I am and that is the list….
A chef, ref, negotiator of treaties, draughtsman, planner, nurse, doctor, cleaner, plumber, electrician (part qualified) built in milk factory (now closed down and all workers made redundant) Montessori teacher, a seeker and finder of things, a labourer, gardener, painter, agony aunt, psychologist, massage artist with magic fingers, creator of character and backbone, financier, bank manager, lending agent, payer of bills, personal shopper, judge, jury, prison warden, broken record, nervous wreck, raving lunatic, naughty girl, oh… and lover and friend…….Try fitting all that down on a form when you’re asked what you are……